"Whatever happens, our children should never study in Coorg".
I have heard my parents saying this innumerable times during my childhood.
Coorg is a district in Karnataka and Madikeri is its headquarters. Madikeri is a tourist destination and basically a agriculture based town. Coorg is famous for coffee plantations and its cool climate.
But Coorg wasn’t famous for education. It didn’t have a
single engineering or medical college until 2002 and had just one or two
reputed PU colleges. Most of the students opted for arts and indulged in all
kinds of non-educational activities in college.
My father being a state government employee got transferred
couple of times in a span of 5 years. Tired of packing and unpacking all the
time, my parents without thinking twice decided that me and my mother would
shift to Madikeri for my PUC and father would stay alone in Jog (Shimoga dist)
until I finished my 2 year PU course.
Now PUC holds a lot of importance in a student’s life as it
decides whether we are going to be engineers/doctors or ‘chaprasi’ (according to my father). My parents had the same
expectations from me except the college they enrolled me didn’t exactly churn
out engineers or doctors.
THE STAGE AND THE
ACTORS
It was a sixty or seventy year old government College with a
typical age old government building style structure. The classrooms were huge
with tiled roofs and the roofs were about 15 to 20 feet high. It also had a
tiny fan hanging from the roof 20 feet above. I never saw any switch for this
fan and really wondered what purpose this fan served and who managed to put it
up there. And there was a constant fear that it would fall on someone’s head
someday. The college had science, commerce and arts branch and also a
government high school attached. There was no toilet for boys and we relieved
ourselves behind the college canteen amidst the bushes.
The arts branch was flooded with students about 80 in each
section. Commerce was second with about 60 students. And then was our class had
a strength of 35 students which comprised of 11 boys and 24 girls.
The college was about 3.5 kms from my home and I used to
walk both ways. The college term started in the month of June and it happens to
be the time when monsoon begins. When it rains in Madikeri, it rains like hell.
And the rains are accompanied with heavy winds. I used to get drenched everyday
while going to the college and sat in the class in wet clothes. By evening the
clothes would be dry from my body warmth. Again I used to get drenched while
coming back to home. Of course I had an umbrella but with the way the wind
blows there, it served very little purpose.
The thing I hated the most about the college was its
uniform. A white shirt and khaki pants. We looked like municipal workers on
duty gathering the town’s garbage.
The first few days of the college were uneventful as I was
getting adjusted to the place as well as the college.
Eventually I started to bond with some of my classmates of
which Lijesh and Naresh became my best buddies. Lijesh always sat in the first
bench and his reason was that first bench students are always considered
studious by their lecturers. This guy had done well in his SSLC exams and had
scored well. But he was from Kannada medium and hence he was finding it
difficult here in English. He was short and very lean. He looked like he was
floating in air when he walked. He always had an expression on his face like he
had seen something funny. We used to pump him up a little bit and he would do
anything we asked. Always up for notorious activities.
Then we had Prasanna who was a pure Brahmin and always
looked down upon us as if we were demons.
There was Ashfan who was a good cricket player.
Then there was Raghavendra whose worst curse was ‘Goobe’ (owl)
and unfortunately that became his name. This guy would keep staring at some
random black mark on some wall for 15 minutes and would call it as meditation.
Every day he used to come to the class and tell us that he has finished so and
so chapters in so and so subjects and give us creeps.
There was Sudeep who was named ‘BAKAPAKSHI’ because he
bought so much of rice for lunch which was enough to eliminate hunger from
Somalia.
Then there was the psycho Appaji who had a complete
unpredictable behavior. He always used to get angry at the drop of a hat.
Then there was Nayan, Rohit, Pradeep and Naresh’s brother
Nandish.
My normal day would start with me leaving home around 8 in
the morning and reaching Naresh home with in half hour not before getting
completely drenched in rain and cursing my father a million times for getting
me here.
Naresh along with his brother Nandish stayed in a rented
house along with their brother-in-law who was a biology lecturer in the degree
college. I would sit in their hall watching the activities of these 2 brothers.
Naresh would take his pant out from the cupboard and throw it on the dining
table from the bedroom. Then he would iron the pant irrespective of the way it
has landed. He would have multiple creases on his pants. At the end of our
first year his pants had become like Newton colour disk courtesy to the number
of chemicals he accidentally dropped on his pants in the chemistry lab.
His brother on the other hand would just sit in a corner and
keep reading some text book. Meanwhile something would start burning in their
kitchen and none of them would be worried. Finally when I start screaming at
them to check, Naresh would walk casually into the kitchen staring at his
brother.
In those 2 years I have never seen both the brother’s
talking to each other even once.
On the other hand their brother-in-law was another sample.
He was a perfect example of “Absent minded professor”. He had done his PhD on
biology and was a lecturer at the degree college. I met him several times at
his house when I used to go there to pick up Naresh. Once while returning after
our classes, when we reached Naresh place we found it was locked and his
brother-in-law had taken the keys to college. Since the college was near my
home I told Naresh that I would go and inform his brother in law to come home
soon. While walking towards my home I saw his brother-in-law coming from the
other side. I went up to him and told that Naresh is waiting for the keys. He
immediately took 2 to 3 steps back as if I was trying to mug him and asked me
who am I.. I was totally shocked. I told him I am Ponnappa but he just stared
at me and walked off. The next day I told Naresh what happened in the evening
and he laughed and told me that his brother-in-law does not recognize him
sometimes as well.
Our classes would start at 9 AM with physics usually being
the first period. It was handled by “Bodybuilder” Siddaraju. This guy was quite
young and hence his testosterone levels were very high. He would eye every girl
in the college and thereby inviting our wrath. He knew that we were observing
him and hence he hated us. He being young would explain things enthusiastically
to capture our attention whereas Lijesh would look at us and comment “why the fuck is this guy so excited if the
photons get attracted to something???Photons are his relatives or what!!!” After passing such comments Lijesh would keep
a straight face whereas I and Naresh would giggle and Siddaraju would warn us
that someday he would slap us both.
We had Devraju ”Sleeping agent” for biology. The specialty of Devraju is that he can put anybody to
sleep with his lectures very easily even people suffering from INSOMNIA. It’s
not that he didn’t teach well. He was a very dedicated lecturer with sound
knowledge about the subject, yet it was impossible to stay awake in his
classes. I used to be so fresh before his class and after his class but that
one hour of his class was equal to 50 sleeping tablets. I would constantly drop
my pen on the floor, so that picking up the pen would serve as an exercise to
keep me awake. But if the pen keeps falling down throughout the class, any
lecturer would get suspicious. If I didn’t drop my pen then I would constantly
rub my face or try to write something to keep myself awake but it was just
impossible.
For math’s we had Lingaraju. This guy looked liked he just came
out of a bar completely drunk. His eyes were always red, voice very low and his
response to external stimuli was very poor. He used to react after 10 or 15
minutes. This guy unknowingly would extend his classes 10 or 15 minutes eating
into our lunch break. Lijesh seated in the 1st bench would turn
around and scream “what time is it!!!” and sit quietly like an innocent child.
Both I and Naresh would start laughing and our lecturer would stare at us.
We would keep our watch 15 minutes ahead for his class so
that he would leave early. Once we kept our watch 30 minutes ahead and this guy
left our classes early. He realized that when he went to staff room and saw the
wall clock there. From next day he would check the time only with girls. But
after couple of days, upon our request, even the girls would keep their watch
15 minutes ahead so that this guy would leave early.
In the 1st year for English we had Ms. Sony. She
was a very pretty girl and we loved watching her. None of us ever bunked her
classes. She wore a little bit deep necked blouse for her saris. So Lijesh
would push the chair under the table before her classes, so that when she bent
down to retrieve the chair we would get a nice look of her cleavage. She
understood our trick after sometime and then would just pull the chair using
her leg without bending. The girls of our class would constantly keep saying “chee chee” at Lijesh while he was up to
his tricks.
In the 2nd year English was handled by Mr.
Nanaiah. This guy had some genes related to Nazi since he always behaved like
Hitler. He was very particular about dress code, discipline etc. He had very
good opinion about me and always used me as an example in the class, until a “small incident” changed his opinion about
me completely.
For chemistry we had
Srilatha. This lady’s husband was a professor in the degree college. She always
used to mug up every chemistry equation and vomit it on the class board. The
funny thing was in midst of the class she used to forget some equation and then
start searching them in the book. The expression on her face (She acted like
she knew them but just wanted to cross verify) always made us laugh and that
would make her very angry.
And finally for Kannada we had Kasturi. I can’t predict the
exact age of this woman but I believe she was from the dinosaur era as she
behaved like a t-rex dinosaur. She looked old, was short and stout, and wore
thick spectacle glasses. This woman was hated by the whole college for her
pathetic nature. We hated everything about her and ditto with her. She had this
art of connecting any topic to sex and waiting to see our reaction. If a girl
and a boy talk with each other and if she happens to see them, then that topic
would be raised in the class and both of them would be insulted badly by her.
Nayan was selected as the class representative in the first
year. We were having a free hour when one of the seniors entered our class and
said that he was the college rotary club president. Anybody interested to join
the club should give their names now to the class representative and also 5rs
per head. He stood outside the class as Nayan started taking down names. I
stood up and said that I wanted to join the club for free just to tease Nayan.
Immediately the senior Sanaullah entered the class and said “who the hell said that??”. I stood up
and said it was me and I said it for fun. He started to scream at me in front
of the whole class and asked me to come along with him to the principal
chamber. I was astonished that this guy was reacting like this for such a
simple comment. As we were on our way to the principal chamber, we met Kasturi
mid way and this guy started to complain to her. She said that you should have
given him a tight slap right there in front of the whole class and taught him a
lesson. I was completely astonished that a lecturer was advising a student to
slap his junior. That was the beginning of my hatred towards her.
For Kannada both the science and commerce class was
combined. Lijesh was very good in Kannada and hence earned Kasturi’s praise.
This guy would close his mouth with both his hands and chant loudly saying ”Hello hello check hello 1 2 3”. This
kind of sound in a room with tiled roof would echo in a very peculiar way.
Kasturi would immediately loose her cool and start screaming at the commerce
guys (Since guys from science were considered to be good). The commerce guys
would be completely confused as to why this woman was shouting at them. After
some days they realized it was Lijesh who was doing this. They complained to
Kasturi and in turn got proper scolding’s from her because she didn’t believe
science students could be mischievous lest of all Lijesh.
Once when we were walking back to our class after finishing
Kannada classes in commerce classroom, we saw Nandish pant was completely
scribbled using a ball pen. We immediately went back to commerce classroom and
started a fight with the guy who sat next to Nandish. That guy pleaded
innocence but we were in a mood to fight. After a lot of pushing, cursing and
threatens, we returned to our class and started to wonder how could somebody
not realize if his pants were being scribbled by someone. Naresh who all the
time was not convinced about commerce guy doing this, asked us to check
Nandish’s pen. We checked and found that half the rifle was empty. Naresh said
that it was a new pen which Nandish got yesterday. We all realized that Nandish
kept scribbling his pant with the pen all the time during the class without
realizing the cap was not on the pen. We realized both the brothers were from
different planet.
LOVE BLOSSOMS
Meanwhile I started talking with a girl from our class
called Reena. Since that was our first college life going after a girl was
mandatory to look cool. After talking to her couple of times, we exchanged
greetings for New Year. I stole a greeting from my mother’s cupboard which she
had purchased for her friends. But the girl took lot of pains and gave me a
handmade greeting she had prepared herself. I saw that when she went back to
her bench, her friends were very curious to know the contents of the greeting
and my friends were so proud of me as if I had just landed from a spacecraft
after touring around moon.
ADULTS ONLY
Our town Madikeri had just two theaters which I guess were
built immediately after independence. The screens had dirt which even Surf and
Ariel combined will not be able to clean it. The speaker system was such that
for dialogues the front speakers would keep working and suddenly for songs the
rear speakers would work. Add to it number of power failures stopping the movie
n number of times during a show. Both the theaters were located very close to
our college. And the best part was that one of the theaters would play adult
movies in the morning show. We (I, Naresh and Lijesh) would bunk our biology
labs every Saturday and run towards the theatre to catch the morning show.
Lijesh would go inside the theatre to buy the tickets whereas I and Naresh
would stand 50 mts away from the theater near a shop pretending to buy
something in case if any of our relatives were to spot us.
A bell would ring inside the theater indicating the show has
begun and I and Naresh would make a quick dash inside the movie hall. The
audience would be just 3 of us, lot of Tibetan Buddhist monks and some sex
deprived labourers. We would be extremely cautious while coming out of the
movie hall as well and would quietly head back to college to pick our bags.
Once when we 3 bunked our classes and were dashing towards the movie hall, we
saw some 20 to 25 students running after us. We just stopped thinking what
these guys were up to. These students just ran past us and we started following
them. All of them ran towards the movie hall to catch the morning show. We
decided to stay away from the theater that day because it was brimming with
guys in our college uniform. The disease of watching morning show adult movies
had quickly spread across the college and we were the reason for it.
C(AT)HEMISTRY
We used to have chemistry practical labs once a week. The
lab was poorly lit with 3 rooms out of which one was where we did our chemical
mix up and the other was for the faculty and the third room was a store room
with lot of test tubes, beakers and other chemistry lab equipments. It was a
common rule in the lab that whoever broke any test tube will have to buy a new
one from the market and replace it.
So while Srilatha (Chemistry lecturer) would be out, we
would attack the store room to collect spare test tubes. Sometimes in our struggle
we broke lot of test tubes and from that day the storeroom would be locked
forever.
Srilatha was couple of months pregnant during our first
year. Once when we were done for the day and were stepping out of the lab, I
screamed “Meowwww” near the door.
Srilatha lost her cool and started screaming at us thinking that someone had
made fun of her pregnancy. I thought that I was screwed this time looking at
Srilatha’s face turn red with anger. Whole night I kept thinking why my stupid
little actions turn into huge disasters. Next day I requested my friends not to
mention my name to Srilatha. All of them agreed to keep their mouth zipped and were
ready to face any kind of punishment.
Next week when we entered the lab, Srilatha summoned us into
the faculty room. We boys stood in a straight line. She asked “who was the one who did that sound last
week?”. All of us were quite; my heart was beating fast thinking what would
happen if somebody opened their mouth. But everybody gave her a blank look. She
asked us to get out and told us not to attend any chemistry until we come up
with the accused name. That’s all what
we wanted. All of us headed towards the playground and started to play cricket.
This went on for few weeks and finally we realized that we would suffer later.
So we decided that we would just stay at the lab whatever happens.
Srilatha once again asked “who was the one who made that sound?” All of us kept mum. She
asked us to get out but we didn’t budge. We stood there for 2 hours as the
girls continued with their experiments. Finally Srilatha asked us to wash all
the equipments in the lab and said we could start our labs from next week.
HIGHPOINT
Whenever our classes ended for the day sooner than the
scheduled time we would walk down the college road cross the center of the
town, take some stairs and reach a high point overlooking the town. From there
we could get a good look of the town below and also the road leading to our
college. It was a secluded area and we would enjoy couple of smokes there. We would
watch students walking down the college road and keep talking non-sense.
The Hindi super hit movie “TAAL” was now showing in one of
the theaters in Madikeri. We all were excited even though it was good 4 months
since the movie had released. We bunked our classes in the afternoon and went
for the matinee show. The movie hall was flooded with students from our college
as well as students from the degree (senior) college. We managed to get some
seats and settled down. The show was about to begin when Lijesh said he would
go out to get some soft drinks. As Lijesh reached near the door, we started to
scream some nick names of his. Some degree college students seated ahead of us
thought that we were teasing them. They started to threaten us but the show
started and they sat down. It was interval time and lot of students gathered
around us asking how much guts we have to tease degree college students. We had
just started to explain that we didn’t tease them when SLAPPPPPPP!!! One of
them slapped hard on Naresh face. We were just 3 and they were about 30 to 35.
We continued explaining them that we didn’t call them names. The post interval
show started and I knew that we would have a dressing down once the movie is
over. So we voluntarily went to them and explained that we didn’t tease them
and we didn’t even know them. And then we left the show mid way to escape their
wrath.
...AND THE LOVE STORY ENDS...
The term was coming to an end and we were busy with our
labs. It was a Saturday and I was busy in physics lab when Prasanna came
running to the lab and said that Reena’s father has come to college and is in
the principal chamber. He added that he looked very angry. My hairs stood
straight and heart started beating so hard, I could almost listen to it without
stethoscope.
My future started to play in front of my life where I could
see my father beating me black and blue. My friends suggested that I stay in
the lab and leave a bit late. After sometime Reena’s friends told me that her
father has found the greeting card I gave her and he was searching for me. And add
to that her father was in the police department. I felt that all this was
happening because my father got me here. I left the lab late and was walking
slowly towards home thinking what will happen if her father arrives at my home?
How will my mother react!! What will I do?? Run away from home?? Where to run
and how to survive??? I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a biker honking
excessively at me. I turned back and to my horror saw it was Reena’s father. He
stopped the bike and asked if I am Ponnappa. I said yes my voice barely coming
out. And then it was just a one way communication.
“Who the fuck do you
think you are to give my daughter a greeting card? What is your plan? You want
to spoil my daughter? Why the hell do you come to college? Is this what your
parents have taught you? I will break your hands and your legs you asshole and
then I will see how will give a greeting? Where is your house? Take me there. I
want to see your parents.”
In between his indiscriminate abuses and firing I would
mildly keep saying ”sorry uncle” but
that would be drown amidst his abuses. I kept looking here and there praying to
God that none of my relatives should come by that road else am dead.
He kept screaming at me like his daughter was way too
innocent and I was the culprit.
“My daughter comes to
college to study and you are trying to play with her? I will take you to the
police station now and keep you one night in lock up. Then your senses will
start working”.
All of a sudden he put his hand in his back pocket. I was
wondering what this guy has got when suddenly he pulled out a tiny knife which
is used to peel fruits. I almost laughed looking at that knife. He started threatening
me that would kill me even if he has to go jail.
“You rascal, shameless
fellow. You are laughing at me”. I kept saying sorry but it was quite
difficult to keep a straight face looking at that knife. Finally he got tired
and gave me a final warning that if I ever go near his daughter he would kill
me.
Once he left I stood in the same place and surveyed the
whole area if anybody has been watching all this. It being a Saturday afternoon
there were almost nobody on that road and I heaved a sigh of relief.
Slowly I walked towards my home looking back all the time if
he was following me.
We finished our first year exams and the results were out.
Nayan had flunked the exams whereas the others had cleared it.
Read the second part here.
Read the second part here.